My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Shame - the story of my life.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
