I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
