my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
