apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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