I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I think my vagina is haunted
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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