I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I have aggressive nipples.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I want to fling myself into the sun
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
