a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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