I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
