I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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