Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
