I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Say something about gay babies.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
