then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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