Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
