Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
