I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
