Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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