Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
There's always time for handjobs
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
