R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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