i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
