Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
