I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
