Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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