She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
