I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
