dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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