Can Purell be used as lube?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
