Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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