You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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