That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
