I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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