Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
it's like iHOP with fire
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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