my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
