there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
