that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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