distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
false alarm, still single
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