Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
