respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I understand Curling. That high.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Randomize
