1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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