he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
