Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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