how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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