I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
