I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
