What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
