I need help removing her.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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