let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
