K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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