Don't you send me to vm
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
