Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
