at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
