he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
