u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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