I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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