she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
