thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
